Jules Kounde to Arsenal?

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Rumours and News

• Arsenal have apparently made contact with Barcelona about Jules Kounde. Kounde has two years left on his deal and arrived at Barcelona via a hefty fee to Sevilla. He’s potentially a very good fit for the Ben White CB/RB hybrid, but it’s hard to see Arsenal spending a bunch on that position right now when they have other needs. One to keep an eye on, though potentially more likely next summer.

• SOMEONE is the Premier League is apparently guaranteed to spunk down a LOT of dosh on Bologna’s centreback Riccardo Calafiori. And his image rights agreement will have a bonus clause for keeping the locks flowing.

• Romano is reporting Strasbourg (owned by Chelsea) have agreed terms with 18yo Oscar Perea from Atletico Nacional. I have a pretty decent history in economics of niche markets, and I just don’t think this “accumulate all of the child attackers around the world” thing is going to work.

• Speaking of Chelsea, Enzo Maresca also loves Bridgerton hunk Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall and is pushing for his new club to create a love triangle with his old club and Brighton in pursuit of the aristocratic midfielder. And there was a swap deal agreed with Brighton involving Jakub Moder. And Brentford are also interested… Look, we just came for the bodice-ripping. The plot is getting a bit hard for us to keep up with at this point.
  
  [Note: If you are just joining us, you might want to read some of the back issues and catch up. We’re just going to do this shit. We’re going to nickname people, and create cultural jokes that amuse no one but ourselves, and then we are going to do callbacks to those jokes because that’s what helps us get out of bed every day to write our silly newsletter.]

• One Santi Cazorla, age 39, has signed a new deal at Real Oviedo. 😍 

• Napoli still have no plans to sell Kvara. But they do want to sell Osimhen. For £100M. Things are complicated.

• Staying in Italy, Lukaku is open to moving to AC Milan and Napoli, but his Euros performance is causing a downward trend in price inversely matching the resurgence of memes of him trying to score for Belgium while wearing Timbaland boots.

• Arsenal’s first signing of the summer looks like it might be a backup GK?

• Bayern are now looking at Everton’s Amadou Onana after becoming frustrated in their pursuit of Fulham’s 28yo midfielder Joao Palhinha. Remember, no one knows anything, which kind of has to be true as the numbers that Fulham both want and have reportedly already turned down are too big to make sense.

• Teams have done a price check on Newcastle’s Alexander Isak this summer, and that price is £115M. Which feels like a lot, but not so much that it doesn’t make sense. Newcastle have rebuffed most inquiries and would rather sell Callum Wilson. Who is 33. And has -1 ACL in his body.

I promised if we got enough followers, I would share a photo of me in a top hat from Royal Ascot. Have a great weekend.

—Ted